My Hero, Cheese (pronouns he/his)
Reservation Dogs on Fx
(Alternative title: What it’s really like coming back from sabbatical)
In season 2/episode 7 of the amazing show Reservation Dogs, the character Cheese stays true to who he is and the hard work he is doing despite being dropped into a situation of terrifying interpersonal dynamics and systemic violence. (Cheese is played by Lane Factor, in red sweatshirt above.)
His gentleness wins out. His integrity about his own grief and growth wins out. Hope wins out.
I hope to carry the integrity and gentleness of Cheese with me as I re-enter church community life. In some interactions, the anxiety is palpable. A part of me, the part that is based in scarcity, wants to please people. To rescue. To handle and fix. Another part of me, by the grace of God, still embodies an abundant theological understanding of God’s presence in us, which was a sabbatical gift. As John O’Donohue prayed: “May you awaken to the mystery of being here and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence.” (Full text below.) Sabbatical offered that awakening.
As we face grief and growth, anxiety and fear, we offer one another:
Gentleness.
Curiosity.
Our own stories of loss.
Our own stories of growth.
Integrity.
Glimpses of the mystery of being here.
What interactions wake me from patterns of anxiety and scarcity?
How can I maintain a sense of wonder at the mystery as my calendar fills with activities again?
My ideas so far: Being in nature. Eating healthy food & staying physically active. Taking breaks. Speaking honestly with others. Asking more questions. Observing without judgement.
When I feel a lasso of anxiety about to land upon my shoulders, I pray for grace to awaken within me so that I can slide the lasso up over my head, wind up the rope, hand it back to its handler, and allow God to transform the anxiety into something more productive. Into healing energy. Into a clarity of priorities and values. Into perspective and peace.
I pray to be more like Cheese. True to who he is and who he is becoming. Moving through unreal situations with dignity. Gentle toward those around him despite their propensity for violence. Willing to share his growth with others, open to hearing their hopes.
(And obviously, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND RESERVATION DOGS. Subtle, serious, funny, poignant, specific.)
I also recommend, for me and perhaps for you:
A Blessing for Presence by John O’Donohue
May you awaken to the mystery of being here
And enter the quiet immensity of your own presence.
May you have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.
May you receive great encouragement when new frontiers beckon.
May you respond to the call of your gift
And find the courage to follow its path.
May the flame of anger free you from falsity.
May warmth of heart keep your presence aflame and anxiety never linger about you. May your outer dignity mirror an inner dignity of soul.
May you take time to celebrate the quiet miracles that seek no attention.
May you be consoled in the secret symmetry of your soul.
May you experience each day as a sacred gift,
Woven around the heart of wonder.
Source: O’Donohue, J., (1998). Eternal Echoes. Exploring our hunger to belong. London, Bantam Books. p.139
