717 days.
Image by @zmachacek via Unsplash
The Ash Wednesday service can be found in the Book of Common Prayer, pages 264-269
Readings: Isaiah 58:1-12, Psalm 103:8-14, 2 Corinthians 5:20b-6:10, Matthew 6:1-6, 16-21
preached by the Rev. Dina van Klaveren on March 2nd, 2022
It’s been 717 days since we have gathered in church to worship without masks on our faces and covid stress in our hearts and minds and bodies. 717 days of mitigation strategies to keep one another and ourselves safe from COVID-19. And here we are, entering into the season of Lent on day 717. I don’t know what you need- I do know that I need Lent. I need a moment to switch gears into something else. After 717 days, my soul longs for a time to reassess patterns and get on track.
Some years I’m focused on getting on track through behavior- perhaps thinking more charitably about others, or replacing colorful language with kinder variations. Some years I give up something, perhaps you plan to give up something this lent - maybe chocolate? Or meat? Or wine? Or all of the above?
This year I am not giving up anything. Instead, I’m longing for a return to the wholeness I experience in God in Christian community. I long for that wholeness so much that I could burst into tears right now. How I feel it! A longing for wholeness that only God can give us.
Thanks to a colleague group I’m in, I’m reading a book called Burnout. [Full title- "Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle," by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski) Perhaps reading a book about burnout and stress does not appeal to you, so allow me to summarize the salient points for us as Christian people, entering into the Lenten season on this 717th day of pandemic.
Neuroscientists tell us that when we encounter very stressful situations, our bodies stay stressed out until they can recognize cues to convince these whole body that we are finally safe from harm. Our bodies rely on several cues to properly regulate neurochemicals and hormones so that our various physiological systems can return to normal functioning patterns.
For example, if I am out in the woods and see a bear, hormones will rush into my system to help me run faster than usual. Thanks to these hormones, I’ll forget that I’m hungry and have a pebble in my shoe. I will run and run and run. These hormones continue to key up my system in this stressful situation to keep me safe- to get me to safety. Now, let’s say that the bear falls into a deep hole and is prevented from chasing me. I may stop, and look into the hole, see the trapped bear, and say to myself: “Calm down, Dina. You are safe now.” That won’t stop the hormones. Telling ourselves we are safe is not how our body regulates the flush of hormones. What WILL work is if I continue running back to my village, then, breathlessly tell the first friend I see there that I was almost eaten by a bear! That the bear chased me, then fell into a hole. Some villagers will then consider how to go and kill the bear, leaving me with another villager who wraps me in her arms and says: thank goodness you are safe! She holds me in her arms and I begin to relax, and the hormones switch gears. The village throws a celebration to show me how happy they are that I’m safe, and as we eat roasted bear meat and celebrate, I tell the story over and over again, perhaps embellishing it as the celebration continues into the wee hours.
There are identifiable cues that the human physiology recognizes, from thousands of years of stressful situation experience passed down, that tell our bodies we are safe, we can step away from the experience of the stress.
Before I share those cues with you, let me say that as I read about them, I was overwhelmed with an awareness of how many of these cues are a part of the ways we worshiped and gathered and lived in Christian community together 717 days ago and for the many years before that. These cues are a part of how we gathered every week, rushing onto the worship space, to sing and praise God and give thanks, to share our stories and celebrate our near-miss experiences in a supportive community. We have been missing this worship, it’s been replaced with me standing in front of you focused on if your mask is covering your nose or not! It was been replaced 717 days ago with messages telling you that gathering together and touching and singing and breathing were Unsafe- disrupting for many of us that way we ran together on a Sunday morning after escaping the bears that chased us all week. Granted, the bears for most of us are much more metaphorical: a nasty email exchange at work, financial pressures, difficulties communicating with a family member about a complex situation.
Let’s hear the cues that neuroscientists identify as ways our bodies learn to complete the stress cycle and relax in safety:
#1- Physical activity. As in, running through the village gate after being chased by a bear. Or, a long walk or run, dancing.
#2- Intentional deep breathing. As in yoga practice, meditation practice, and singing.
#3- Positive social interaction. You know, all that stuff we gave up 717 days ago. All the “hi, how are you?” polite chatter that while somewhat shallow and proscribed, moved us through our trip to the grocery store or workplace or school drop off line with this ongoing reassurance that the world around us operates in a safe and dependable way.
#4- Laughter. Especially that kind of belly laugh that turns your face red and wet with tears! Betsy, Diane and I know that laughter from this last summer in Appalachia. Being on a trip to Appalachia together can be a stressful situation- we drive through the mountains for 8 to 10 hours depending on weather, we live in close quarters and face challenging construction projects in the midst of difficult and unjust socioeconomic conditions. This past year, as we discussed our plans for the next day and some other challenges, Bill Brittle remembered a story from Boy Scout camp as a kid, and he started to tell us the story but could hardly get the words out because he was double over with laughter. We all started laughing at how Bill was laughing, and what a terrific release it was! To laugh with your belly, to give in to the experience, to laugh until you cry.
#5- Affection. Non physical, as in a card or a phone call, a conversation face to face making eye contact that expresses affection. Or physical affection, as in a kiss, a warm hug, holding hands, or sitting next to another person. Also, affection counts when it involves a cat, or a dog, or a horse. Church services are an affective experience. In church, we express feeling, moods, awareness of emotion. We express affection with God, with one another. God’s affection for us is expressed as we read scripture, or hear the words in today’s collect:
“Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing you have made and forgive the sins of all who are penitent…” (BCP 264)
God loves us, and all of creation, and forgives us when we have messed up. We know that love, and find relief in it, reassurance that we are safe with God. Spiritual experiences that draw us into deeper trust with God contribute to our experience of affection, and are cues to unlocking that hormonal stress cycle. We gather and celebrate that we have made it out of Egypt into the promised land. We gather to celebrate that God came to live among us, and to know us in human form, in Jesus. We gather to have celebration meal of bread and wine to give thanks for all of it, and to share the Good News of our connection to Christ with one another.
#6- Crying. A big ol’ cry can be the cue that releases our body from the stress situation and convinces us physiologically that we are, indeed, finally safe. We are so safe, that we can burst into tears.
Over the past 15 years at least 20 people have shared with me that they simply can’t come to church anymore because if they do, they will burst into tears. "So? What do you think church is for?," I ask them. They say things like: “I don’t dare come to church. If we sing Amazing Grace or On Eagle’s Wings I’ll just fall apart right there!” And so you can. Do we think that people worshiped in this historic 1834 chapel during the civil war years and didn’t sob? Do we think that people worshiped here during the flu epidemic of 1919 and two world wars and Vietnam and did not sob and sing at the same time? That’s why we gather, to share the laughter and the tears with God and with one another. This is the safe space to feel all of it, with God and with one another.
So many of us were taught to shove it down and put a smile on our face instead of letting it go. And that means we have been taught to remain stuck in the cycle of the stressful situation. Church is where we can grieve and cry and lament our losses. This is a safe place to feel all the most frightening feelings, in the presence of God, with the strength of God’s people enfolding us.
#7- Creative expression. This is the last cue- and it makes so much sense! We must make things, write poetry and music, knit a blanket or build some furniture. Making something, being creative and imaginative, cues our bodies into the space where we feel so safe, we can be creative. If you cannot make something or write poetry, listen to beautiful music or look at the Louvre’s collection online- immerse yourself in creative expression, in beauty, and let your body put the stressful situation behind you. There is healing in art - making it, enjoying it, sharing it.
This Lent I need to cue my own physiology to a fresh awareness that we can move safely through this world, that even as we continue mitigating against illness, we can enjoy one another and the gifts of this life.
Some Lents I get really focused on a consistent practice that I must do for 40 days with messing up. Anyone else? I get really controlling about what I must do or not do each day. That’s fine, for those years. This year I’m giving up that focus on consistency. I’m welcoming instead some of the puzzling contradictions of Lent. Look at our readings for Ash Wednesday- they bounce all over. Fast like this, pray like this. Put ashes on your forehead. Do not look dismal. The liturgy today is filled with contradictions, just like our lives have been these last 717 days. If you need permission to be inconsistent, to embrace the contradictions and bounce around this lent, here it is. Let each day unfold under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Let the Holy Spirit take over and show you each day how to move toward wholeness. How to be restored. How to be ready for resurrection.
That's the goal of the 40 days ahead of us- to experience the safe, warm, and loving presence of God moving us toward a wholeness we can only find through God’s grace. To find ourselves relaxed and restored, and ready to embrace the resurrection of Jesus Christ in all the glory intended for the beloved children of God.
