From my mentors: intergenerational household lifestyles
Savory Days
My parents have changed. Remembering what was keeps me from noticing the beauty of their life today. These two were the life of a lot of parties. Carl telling a story set on or near a military base overseas where the denouement is an extraordinary meal. Leilani dancing with whoever will dance, her fluid hips revealing decades of cumbia skill.
And now Carl spends most of his days shuttling between a recliner, the kitchen table, and the bathroom. His movements limited to where the walker will fit. Leilani’s dance moves are confined to the cottage, the rhythm of the day set by preparing meals, passing out pills, and the Wheel of Fortune. Her sight limited by macular degeneration. They used to drive all the way from Orange County, California to La Paz, Mexico in 2 days. Not too long ago they camped in scenic spots going cross country. The triumph of these days is the absence of indigestion, getting the remote control to work, and walking to the mailbox.
a big push
I present to you a big push in my life, and to stand on the other side of it absorbing its change:
Over the last month we moved my parents from their lovely home in the mountains of Arizona to our newly renovated basement, henceforth to be called “the cottage level.”
Turning
On Monday I leave for Arizona. When I return, we begin sharing our home with my parents for what I imagine will include the remainder of their days. I look forward to daily, casual contact with these two people I love. I have not lived at home beyond summer breaks since leaving for Whittier College in September of 1991. Then, I moved east for graduate school, and stayed. I have longed for the pattern of weekly or monthly interactions with my mom that I have enjoyed with my Maryland-based in-laws: holidays together, dropping by, helping with kids, meeting up for a play or meal, birthdays, craft days, sports games, doctor appointment rides. I’ve wanted that with my parents for a long time. I’m not sure that I imagined them living in our home, and yet, here they come! I’ll have all the interaction I’ve been craving right here at home. 24/7.