A bridge from A to B
In his article in Forbes magazine, former Navy Seal Brent Gleeson posits that there are 13 habits to develop mental toughness, which I think may be a lot like a spiritual reservoir of strength and resilience. I’m working through a spiritual exploration of all 13, in an effort to shore up my mental toughness/resilience as the COVID numbers continue to frighten me and impede life-as-usual. (Let me know in the comments if you are intentionally doing something to build your own resilience during this time.)
The second habit that Gleeson offers is, in his words:
“2 - Practice true commitment: Resilient people are committed to their lives and goals. They have a compelling reason to get out of bed in the morning – which is usually early! They are not easily deterred or distracted by ‘opportunities’ that are unrelated to their desired outcomes.”
This is a beautiful thing to behold in my children, and something that does not always feel so beautiful when it’s me. For example, it’s beautiful to see your teen ager get up early to go for a run, or to stay up late sewing a bucket hat for a friend’s birthday. I love observing them as they set goals and stay committed to them — not just externally-set goals by teachers and coaches and Dave & me, but INTERNALLY-SET GOALS that compel them towards action and hard work.
Practicing true commitment shows us little by little that we are walking across a bridge connecting us from point A, where we are right now, to point B, where we would like to be in the future. Each true commitment is a part of how we will get from point A to B, and builds our skills in traveling there. The bridge is constructed of goals, commitments, choices.
In the spiritual life, practicing true commitment often involves weighing multiple commitments, and then aligning your next move with the greater commitment. Weighing commitments, in spiritual language, requires discernment and wisdom. Having a spiritual point B can help align next steps in reaching that goal. My spiritual point B is to be a really forgiving, gentle, wise old lady some day. I want to grow softer, more gracious, with genuine kindness radiating from my being. I know people like this, and I am aiming for it. Often, the next step to getting there involves a true commitment to something hard, like forgiveness, healing, opens, dropping my urge to judge and my genetic proclivity for wanting to be right.
Writing out a pledge, promise, vow, obligation, commitment—whatever word works best for you!—has simplified my next steps in various point B planning. This can streamline ways forward so that the choices you make are better for you and aligned with your values. In the back of my Panda Planner I keep a list of commitments I have made to key people in my life, so that I can review and re-commit as needed. (On that list for re-commitment: helping my daughter find an English speaking pen pal [female & 14 or 15] from another country! Anyone?)
My Sunday mornings are committed to the congregation I serve as rector. I can not commit to any weekends away or late Saturday night events. Because of my commitment to a friend who has hit a rough patch, we get together once a month for a walk. For me, a raging extrovert, people commitments are fairly easy to keep —until they compete for my attention. (That gets stressful.)
It’s the inanimate objects and less pressing projects that may fall off my goal commitment radar. The weights and workout, time for writing this blog, revisiting financial decisions, unfinished knitting projects — these inanimate and undemanding pursuits fall away if I do not return to my goals of staying healthy, sharing ideas about a good news lifestyle, financial flourishing for my family, and creating beautiful items to give to my loved ones.
When I do get out of bed early to workout or write, I feel very confident all day, like I’m wired in to my values and my purpose. I feel a little like a rock star. There’s a prayer on page 836 of The Book of Common Prayer that includes a line that describes this rock star feeling for me:
We thank you for setting us at tasks which demand our best efforts, and for leading us to accomplishments which SATISFY and DELIGHT us.
Yes. There is a rock star satisfaction to following through on tasks to which we have committed ourselves. And as Gretchen Rubin revealed in her book Better Than Before, “the reward is the reward.” When I get up and run, I do not feel any need to reward myself— fulfilling the commitment to my health IS the reward! Ideas coming together IS the reward of getting up early to write!
Many folks think that the reward for being a follower of Jesus is coming to the faithful in the afterlife. Yes, that’s a real Christian teaching. However, there’s a reward even before that when we choose to really commit to the practices of a faithful life. The reward for living a faithful life is that a faithful life is REALLY GOOD. It is filled with right relationships, deep joy, experiences of abundance, and connection to God.
What reward are looking for? Health? Wealth? Intimacy? Joy? Wisdom?
What is so important to you that you would turn off Netflix and go to bed early so you can arise bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning to achieve it?
Meal prep?
Reading a novel?
Watching squirrels roam for acorns at the park?
Writing out the Gospel of Luke by hand?
Feeling great?
Connecting with God?
Lowering your cholesterol?
Secretly making a quilt for your spouse?
Putting love notes in lunches?
Getting clear about what our commitments are and then sticking to them are key spiritual practices that not only build our mental toughness, they maintain our integrity. When we spend our time doing the things we believe and say matter to us, we are consistent— we have integrity. And that integrity bridges our values and our actions, leading us to live as we believe.
What else does Gleeson say builds mental toughness? Find out next time in…
3 - Focus on what is in their control
Until then, ponder with me how making and keeping commitments helps you to stay focused, make consistently good choices, and live with integrity.
